do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You smell like a Billy Joel song
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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