Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
