some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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