Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
