five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
