You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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