my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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