the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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