my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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