I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
