I hope mine doesn't look like that
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize