What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
