Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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