Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
