my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
