I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize