I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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