i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This house was built for laser tag.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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