Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
