So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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