Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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