Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
