Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
