he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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