It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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