My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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