her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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