My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need a beard to bite.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
