you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
