great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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