he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
