I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
