from now on my penis is your penis
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
