The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
