he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
