Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
