Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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