Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
