So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
