We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
