This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize