bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
