He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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