those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
