WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
