my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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