If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
