i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I believe in your delicious
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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