Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
