your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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