Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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