Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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