I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
