Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
