Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
