I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
