That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
