the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
