So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
