Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
