I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
