Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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