He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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