I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
