i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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