If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
