Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
