He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
