you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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