roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize