I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
