I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
