apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm way too hungover for life right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
