put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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