I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
