i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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