the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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