there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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