where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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