you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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