uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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