when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize