Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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