i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize