He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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