I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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