did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
