just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
