i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
