remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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