I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
