is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
