I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
