i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
