He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
