names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
