We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have fence marks all over my body
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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