im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
