As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I cut my penus on the lid.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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