Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
