Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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