my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
