did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
